I finally made an appointment with the doctor. I have not been feeling like my self lately. I could cry at the drop of a hat...one minute I'm somewhat ok and the next I feel like I have no hope left. I know people say you have a choice to either be happy or not, and that it's up to you to do it.
Well, I can agree with this to a certain extent. If it's just the blues, yes. But this is more than just the blues I think. I think ok, I'm going to clean house, clean my classroom, grade papers, file papers, clean off my desk, even go saddle my horse and ride, and then the "what's the use" thought pops up.
Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain, and not really something you can control. The blues, the blahs...yes you can control that. I took anti-depressants along time ago when Dara was just a toddler, and really could tell a big difference in how I felt. I had a whole new outlook on life, even the words that came out of my mouth were different...more positive sounding.
So with the loss of Don's job, being evicted from the mobile home park, my dad dying last year, Dara's jaw mishap, really tough parents (especially a co-worker/parent) at school, moving the house, the truck's clutch going out no money to fix it, the car's head or head gasket cracking, now not having a vehicle at all, Copper's/Dara's issues last year that Jennifer helped to correct (a huge thank you for that), phones being turned off then on again then off again then on again, working my full-time job plus a part-time job, the price of desiel, living with a teenage girl, Christmas coming up and no money for presents (we're buying one gift for only Dara this year), hospital bills from Dara's jaw piling up (last total for just the hospital that may be our part is over 24K), etc., etc., etc., etc.
NO WONDER I'M DEPRESSED.
Confession . . .
-
James 5:16
confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may
be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth muc...
12 years ago
3 comments:
Oh man. You poor thing. How do you survive all that! I swear if I had extra money, I would send it to you. I might have to send you some anyway. I've never been here before, but I see you came to my blog, and welcome!
Yes, teenage girls are so very hard. I never would have guessed my daughter would be like this. She was always the perfect child, perfect grades, perfect everything, and I swear, she turned 13 and WHAM! Maybe that's why it's so hard on me. My two boys, 20 months apart, seemed like trouble from teh get go, so their teenage years didn't seem so hard, it's the AFTER teenage years that killed me with them!
Anyway, I'll be back!
Debra-
It will get better. It always does. And even if we feel like we don't have extra, God has never had me do without the things I *needed*. That of course being the operative word.
I'm all for medication. When I got divorced the first time, before I made that plunge I'd already seen two different therapists to deal with the mental/emotional/physical abuse I was going through, and let me tell you, had it not been for the drugs and the shrink, well I might not be with us today. So you just do what you need to do, keep trudging up-hill and it will get better!
I keep thinking of that song about when you're going through hell keep on going and don't let the devil know your there...that's exactly the way I'm thinking going through all this.
When I do hit that point I think about all the other people who are in a worse place than me, and that makes feel like such a baby/whinner.
Meds do make a big difference...people think they are weak for not asking for the help...that is so wrong. Sometimes we need that extra help to be able to continue with everyday stuff.
Thanks Jen and Bina for all your thoughts and prayers.
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